So I just realized it has been a solid two weeks since last I posted. Huh... and yet the interest still remains. I guess I just go through phases. Maybe?
I've actually been pretty busy... trying to figure out what I'm meant to do. As a person. With my life. That God gave me... for a reason. And I'm just not sure yet what it is that I'm meant to do. To quote my favorite song:
"I've been talking to God, don't know if it's helping or not."
But I guess it most likely is. Can't hurt anyway, right? Hahah...nah, it can't. Anyway, it's just a bit strange because I think it would be safe to say that I've always lived a pretty charmed life. I mean, in that I have a great family, I was a great student, no one ever seemed to doubt that I'd find "success". Which is awesome. And I'm sure I will. And really, I have in so many ways. But I think I'm just trying to figure out what success means for my life... in the grand scheme of things.
Not to be all "religous-y" or anything, but God... if you're reading this, maybe you could just post a quick comment and give me a hint? That'd be swell? Hahaahaha :)
Love you too.
Josh
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Silver Linings :)
Oh gosh, so as I'm sitting here thinking about closure, I remembered something that makes all of my woes seem so silly.
Over Easter (the trip to SD I still haven't really elaborated on here... I may eventually), I got to spend approximately 24 hours with my cousins Larissa, Bailey, Seth and little Gabe. The two boys are pretty young, Gabe being about 5 years old... and we don't get to see each other very often- usually only two times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Well, time was limited this year... but we all hung out and played and had a good time (I always cling to the kids at family get togethers... I just feel more a part of them...haha). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I certainly didn't get as much time as I would have liked.
But ANYWAY, my mom called me last night right before my audition (see below) to read me part of an email she'd received from my Aunt Terri (the kids' mom). It made my entire day...and now today too. She wrote:
We love you coming for Easter. We’re so grateful that you are willing to travel that distance for us all to be together. I have to share what Gabriel said Easter night. We, Seth, Gabriel and I, we settling down to watch a movie before bedtime, Gabriel turned to me and said, “This was the best day ever. I wish Josh could be part of our family.” And I said He IS part of our family. And Gabriel said, I wish he would live with us. Needless to say, you were ALL missed after you left. It was the best day ever, all being together!
:) :) :)
Over Easter (the trip to SD I still haven't really elaborated on here... I may eventually), I got to spend approximately 24 hours with my cousins Larissa, Bailey, Seth and little Gabe. The two boys are pretty young, Gabe being about 5 years old... and we don't get to see each other very often- usually only two times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Well, time was limited this year... but we all hung out and played and had a good time (I always cling to the kids at family get togethers... I just feel more a part of them...haha). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I certainly didn't get as much time as I would have liked.
But ANYWAY, my mom called me last night right before my audition (see below) to read me part of an email she'd received from my Aunt Terri (the kids' mom). It made my entire day...and now today too. She wrote:
We love you coming for Easter. We’re so grateful that you are willing to travel that distance for us all to be together. I have to share what Gabriel said Easter night. We, Seth, Gabriel and I, we settling down to watch a movie before bedtime, Gabriel turned to me and said, “This was the best day ever. I wish Josh could be part of our family.” And I said He IS part of our family. And Gabriel said, I wish he would live with us. Needless to say, you were ALL missed after you left. It was the best day ever, all being together!
:) :) :)
C-C-Closure: The Stage Play!
You know what's hard? Realizing that something you want to happen isn't going to happen.
Ha..thank you "Captain Obvious", right? I know, I know- everyone already realizes that and certainly did not require my pointing it out to understand. But it IS. It's frustrating and annoying and hard!
I had an audition last night. I didn't have much prep time, but I went ahead and auditioned anyway, and left feeling like I'd done a decent job. It certainly wasn't my best audition... but I don't think I have any reason to be ashamed. Anyway, usually I'm pretty good about staying halfway ambivalent about audition results. Unless it's a show that I'm really invested in, or a group I really want to be a part of, I'm pretty good about walking out of an audition, feeling proud of myself for doing it, and then leaving it in the hands of fate.
Anyway, the call-backs for the show are tonight, and as of right now at 1:15 pm, I haven't heard from the company. This is a sure sign that they aren't interested... but because there's that SLIM window of opportunity that they might still contact me, I can't help but be bothered by it.
What I've realized is that, in this situation or others like it, it's not the lack of interest that seems to be difficult to deal with. I can understand that. If I'm not the right fit, I'm not the right fit. Sometimes it hurts to not be the right fit, don't get me wrong... but a lot of the time the most frustrating part is the gigantic QUESTION MARK just hanging over the situation that comes from not knowing one way or the other.
Because they haven't called, but they technically still COULD, I feel the need to keep a bit of hope alive... and that causes me to focus more on the situation and ultimately agonize more as to what might happen. But once the answer is there in front of me... "No, Josh, they're not interested. Definitely. You know because you didn't make the second round."... then I feel better because I can let it go and move on. Until then, though, it's hard.
That might be one of the most difficult things about trying to stay involved in the theatre... there's not always resolution and closure. There it is! CLOSURE! That's what it is... duh... the word I'm looking for. Being able to put an end-cap on it and close the book. Half the time, when I get called back, I then spend days wondering whether I've been actually cast. It's just like in dating, really. You KNOW that if they haven't been in touch within a few days that the interest just isn't there. But it's so easy to make up excuses in your head... and with no closure from the other party, it's difficult to say "Okay. That's done...move on."
So ultimately, I guess I'm just trying to work through my own frustrations. Wouldn't it be great if we could all find the closure we need? Yes- it would.
Not having closure is like not ever knowing what the...
Ha..thank you "Captain Obvious", right? I know, I know- everyone already realizes that and certainly did not require my pointing it out to understand. But it IS. It's frustrating and annoying and hard!
I had an audition last night. I didn't have much prep time, but I went ahead and auditioned anyway, and left feeling like I'd done a decent job. It certainly wasn't my best audition... but I don't think I have any reason to be ashamed. Anyway, usually I'm pretty good about staying halfway ambivalent about audition results. Unless it's a show that I'm really invested in, or a group I really want to be a part of, I'm pretty good about walking out of an audition, feeling proud of myself for doing it, and then leaving it in the hands of fate.
Anyway, the call-backs for the show are tonight, and as of right now at 1:15 pm, I haven't heard from the company. This is a sure sign that they aren't interested... but because there's that SLIM window of opportunity that they might still contact me, I can't help but be bothered by it.
What I've realized is that, in this situation or others like it, it's not the lack of interest that seems to be difficult to deal with. I can understand that. If I'm not the right fit, I'm not the right fit. Sometimes it hurts to not be the right fit, don't get me wrong... but a lot of the time the most frustrating part is the gigantic QUESTION MARK just hanging over the situation that comes from not knowing one way or the other.
Because they haven't called, but they technically still COULD, I feel the need to keep a bit of hope alive... and that causes me to focus more on the situation and ultimately agonize more as to what might happen. But once the answer is there in front of me... "No, Josh, they're not interested. Definitely. You know because you didn't make the second round."... then I feel better because I can let it go and move on. Until then, though, it's hard.
That might be one of the most difficult things about trying to stay involved in the theatre... there's not always resolution and closure. There it is! CLOSURE! That's what it is... duh... the word I'm looking for. Being able to put an end-cap on it and close the book. Half the time, when I get called back, I then spend days wondering whether I've been actually cast. It's just like in dating, really. You KNOW that if they haven't been in touch within a few days that the interest just isn't there. But it's so easy to make up excuses in your head... and with no closure from the other party, it's difficult to say "Okay. That's done...move on."
So ultimately, I guess I'm just trying to work through my own frustrations. Wouldn't it be great if we could all find the closure we need? Yes- it would.
Not having closure is like not ever knowing what the...
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