Today, I had my bubble burst. Ha... I really did. I was chatting with Lauren about the craziest thing that happened to me last week, all excited and filled with hope (as I always seem to get) about the awesomeness of it all, and at that precise moment a gigantic bubble-burster deflated my bright colorful bubble. It was one of those situations where a combination of fate and serendipity seems to be putting everything into place... leading you to something new and exciting... and then a big "POP!" brought me back to the reality of it all. That really sucks, ya know?
I guess I should just try and be thankful for the enthusiasm the development stirred in me, and the connection made. Yeah, I suppose that's what I'll do.
But it still really sucks. ;)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Hmm... Late Night Thoughts...
So I just realized it has been a solid two weeks since last I posted. Huh... and yet the interest still remains. I guess I just go through phases. Maybe?
I've actually been pretty busy... trying to figure out what I'm meant to do. As a person. With my life. That God gave me... for a reason. And I'm just not sure yet what it is that I'm meant to do. To quote my favorite song:
"I've been talking to God, don't know if it's helping or not."
But I guess it most likely is. Can't hurt anyway, right? Hahah...nah, it can't. Anyway, it's just a bit strange because I think it would be safe to say that I've always lived a pretty charmed life. I mean, in that I have a great family, I was a great student, no one ever seemed to doubt that I'd find "success". Which is awesome. And I'm sure I will. And really, I have in so many ways. But I think I'm just trying to figure out what success means for my life... in the grand scheme of things.
Not to be all "religous-y" or anything, but God... if you're reading this, maybe you could just post a quick comment and give me a hint? That'd be swell? Hahaahaha :)
Love you too.
Josh
I've actually been pretty busy... trying to figure out what I'm meant to do. As a person. With my life. That God gave me... for a reason. And I'm just not sure yet what it is that I'm meant to do. To quote my favorite song:
"I've been talking to God, don't know if it's helping or not."
But I guess it most likely is. Can't hurt anyway, right? Hahah...nah, it can't. Anyway, it's just a bit strange because I think it would be safe to say that I've always lived a pretty charmed life. I mean, in that I have a great family, I was a great student, no one ever seemed to doubt that I'd find "success". Which is awesome. And I'm sure I will. And really, I have in so many ways. But I think I'm just trying to figure out what success means for my life... in the grand scheme of things.
Not to be all "religous-y" or anything, but God... if you're reading this, maybe you could just post a quick comment and give me a hint? That'd be swell? Hahaahaha :)
Love you too.
Josh
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Silver Linings :)
Oh gosh, so as I'm sitting here thinking about closure, I remembered something that makes all of my woes seem so silly.
Over Easter (the trip to SD I still haven't really elaborated on here... I may eventually), I got to spend approximately 24 hours with my cousins Larissa, Bailey, Seth and little Gabe. The two boys are pretty young, Gabe being about 5 years old... and we don't get to see each other very often- usually only two times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Well, time was limited this year... but we all hung out and played and had a good time (I always cling to the kids at family get togethers... I just feel more a part of them...haha). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I certainly didn't get as much time as I would have liked.
But ANYWAY, my mom called me last night right before my audition (see below) to read me part of an email she'd received from my Aunt Terri (the kids' mom). It made my entire day...and now today too. She wrote:
We love you coming for Easter. We’re so grateful that you are willing to travel that distance for us all to be together. I have to share what Gabriel said Easter night. We, Seth, Gabriel and I, we settling down to watch a movie before bedtime, Gabriel turned to me and said, “This was the best day ever. I wish Josh could be part of our family.” And I said He IS part of our family. And Gabriel said, I wish he would live with us. Needless to say, you were ALL missed after you left. It was the best day ever, all being together!
:) :) :)
Over Easter (the trip to SD I still haven't really elaborated on here... I may eventually), I got to spend approximately 24 hours with my cousins Larissa, Bailey, Seth and little Gabe. The two boys are pretty young, Gabe being about 5 years old... and we don't get to see each other very often- usually only two times a year (Easter and Christmas).
Well, time was limited this year... but we all hung out and played and had a good time (I always cling to the kids at family get togethers... I just feel more a part of them...haha). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I certainly didn't get as much time as I would have liked.
But ANYWAY, my mom called me last night right before my audition (see below) to read me part of an email she'd received from my Aunt Terri (the kids' mom). It made my entire day...and now today too. She wrote:
We love you coming for Easter. We’re so grateful that you are willing to travel that distance for us all to be together. I have to share what Gabriel said Easter night. We, Seth, Gabriel and I, we settling down to watch a movie before bedtime, Gabriel turned to me and said, “This was the best day ever. I wish Josh could be part of our family.” And I said He IS part of our family. And Gabriel said, I wish he would live with us. Needless to say, you were ALL missed after you left. It was the best day ever, all being together!
:) :) :)
C-C-Closure: The Stage Play!
You know what's hard? Realizing that something you want to happen isn't going to happen.
Ha..thank you "Captain Obvious", right? I know, I know- everyone already realizes that and certainly did not require my pointing it out to understand. But it IS. It's frustrating and annoying and hard!
I had an audition last night. I didn't have much prep time, but I went ahead and auditioned anyway, and left feeling like I'd done a decent job. It certainly wasn't my best audition... but I don't think I have any reason to be ashamed. Anyway, usually I'm pretty good about staying halfway ambivalent about audition results. Unless it's a show that I'm really invested in, or a group I really want to be a part of, I'm pretty good about walking out of an audition, feeling proud of myself for doing it, and then leaving it in the hands of fate.
Anyway, the call-backs for the show are tonight, and as of right now at 1:15 pm, I haven't heard from the company. This is a sure sign that they aren't interested... but because there's that SLIM window of opportunity that they might still contact me, I can't help but be bothered by it.
What I've realized is that, in this situation or others like it, it's not the lack of interest that seems to be difficult to deal with. I can understand that. If I'm not the right fit, I'm not the right fit. Sometimes it hurts to not be the right fit, don't get me wrong... but a lot of the time the most frustrating part is the gigantic QUESTION MARK just hanging over the situation that comes from not knowing one way or the other.
Because they haven't called, but they technically still COULD, I feel the need to keep a bit of hope alive... and that causes me to focus more on the situation and ultimately agonize more as to what might happen. But once the answer is there in front of me... "No, Josh, they're not interested. Definitely. You know because you didn't make the second round."... then I feel better because I can let it go and move on. Until then, though, it's hard.
That might be one of the most difficult things about trying to stay involved in the theatre... there's not always resolution and closure. There it is! CLOSURE! That's what it is... duh... the word I'm looking for. Being able to put an end-cap on it and close the book. Half the time, when I get called back, I then spend days wondering whether I've been actually cast. It's just like in dating, really. You KNOW that if they haven't been in touch within a few days that the interest just isn't there. But it's so easy to make up excuses in your head... and with no closure from the other party, it's difficult to say "Okay. That's done...move on."
So ultimately, I guess I'm just trying to work through my own frustrations. Wouldn't it be great if we could all find the closure we need? Yes- it would.
Not having closure is like not ever knowing what the...
Ha..thank you "Captain Obvious", right? I know, I know- everyone already realizes that and certainly did not require my pointing it out to understand. But it IS. It's frustrating and annoying and hard!
I had an audition last night. I didn't have much prep time, but I went ahead and auditioned anyway, and left feeling like I'd done a decent job. It certainly wasn't my best audition... but I don't think I have any reason to be ashamed. Anyway, usually I'm pretty good about staying halfway ambivalent about audition results. Unless it's a show that I'm really invested in, or a group I really want to be a part of, I'm pretty good about walking out of an audition, feeling proud of myself for doing it, and then leaving it in the hands of fate.
Anyway, the call-backs for the show are tonight, and as of right now at 1:15 pm, I haven't heard from the company. This is a sure sign that they aren't interested... but because there's that SLIM window of opportunity that they might still contact me, I can't help but be bothered by it.
What I've realized is that, in this situation or others like it, it's not the lack of interest that seems to be difficult to deal with. I can understand that. If I'm not the right fit, I'm not the right fit. Sometimes it hurts to not be the right fit, don't get me wrong... but a lot of the time the most frustrating part is the gigantic QUESTION MARK just hanging over the situation that comes from not knowing one way or the other.
Because they haven't called, but they technically still COULD, I feel the need to keep a bit of hope alive... and that causes me to focus more on the situation and ultimately agonize more as to what might happen. But once the answer is there in front of me... "No, Josh, they're not interested. Definitely. You know because you didn't make the second round."... then I feel better because I can let it go and move on. Until then, though, it's hard.
That might be one of the most difficult things about trying to stay involved in the theatre... there's not always resolution and closure. There it is! CLOSURE! That's what it is... duh... the word I'm looking for. Being able to put an end-cap on it and close the book. Half the time, when I get called back, I then spend days wondering whether I've been actually cast. It's just like in dating, really. You KNOW that if they haven't been in touch within a few days that the interest just isn't there. But it's so easy to make up excuses in your head... and with no closure from the other party, it's difficult to say "Okay. That's done...move on."
So ultimately, I guess I'm just trying to work through my own frustrations. Wouldn't it be great if we could all find the closure we need? Yes- it would.
Not having closure is like not ever knowing what the...
Monday, April 27, 2009
Ho hum...Compliments
So this week I read a really great article about accepting compliments, and it really stuck with me. And as my coworker just showed me a scarf she's knitting, she mentioned that she couldn't rightfully say if it is ugly or not...since she always judges her own stuff more harshly than she would someone else's. I totally get that- and I think most people do.
Sometimes it's really hard to believe the good things other people say about you. Speaking from my own experience, I think I have a pretty good grasp on what my good qualities are and are not. And for someone to pay me a compliment related to something I don't classify as "good", I have a hard time believing it. I automatically become self-conscious, and deny the compliment.... at the same time questioning their motive in my head (because they couldn't possibly sincerely think that!)
For example... I believe I'm good with people. I believe I can be funnyish. Kids, dogs, and I all generally get along. But I don't believe I'm a great singer, I don't think I'm all that attractive (well, I'll say "good-looking"... because attractive is different), and I don't reeeally know what I'm doing when I dance (shhh...don't tell anybody).
Now, two of those three things I still do with reckless abandon (because I freaking love singing and dancing), and the other...well, I deal with that...ha. But when someone contradicts me and tells me "hey, you're a good singer" or "hey, you can really dance" or (and this is the hardest) "hey, you're cute".... well, I just can't believe it.
There are probably a million various reasons for WHY I can't believe those statements. I'm sure they all stem from one of my many ridiculous insecurities. But that's not really the point of this little blog entry. The point is that I've been thinking about it a lot over the last few days, and I realize the importance of just accepting those compliments and trying as hard as you can in your heart to believe them.
Someone who is willing to put enough of theirself on the line by going out on a limb to pay you a compliment (whether it be big or small), runs the risk of being hurt when you don't put enough faith in their opinion to believe them. And in a relationship (whether friend or romance), hurting someone who is only showing you kindness is the opposite of productive...obviously...ha.
And also- the people who compliment you (I realized), might be better able to see the good in you than you yourself. As my coworker said about her knitting, we're all our own worst critic and it's impossible to see ourselves clearly.
At my good friend Betsy's bridal shower this past weekend (I'm her man of honor...isn't that soo fun!?), we played a little game where we each wrote a piece of marriage advice on a notecard for her and she had to choose the best and the worst.
With what has been on my mind, I wrote:
"Always believe the compliments he gives you, even if it's hard, because he can see the beauty in you even when you can't. (And you're so full of it that he should compliment you often)"
My advice won "best advice" so it must be true, right? So now it's time to work on that myself. :)
Sometimes it's really hard to believe the good things other people say about you. Speaking from my own experience, I think I have a pretty good grasp on what my good qualities are and are not. And for someone to pay me a compliment related to something I don't classify as "good", I have a hard time believing it. I automatically become self-conscious, and deny the compliment.... at the same time questioning their motive in my head (because they couldn't possibly sincerely think that!)
For example... I believe I'm good with people. I believe I can be funnyish. Kids, dogs, and I all generally get along. But I don't believe I'm a great singer, I don't think I'm all that attractive (well, I'll say "good-looking"... because attractive is different), and I don't reeeally know what I'm doing when I dance (shhh...don't tell anybody).
Now, two of those three things I still do with reckless abandon (because I freaking love singing and dancing), and the other...well, I deal with that...ha. But when someone contradicts me and tells me "hey, you're a good singer" or "hey, you can really dance" or (and this is the hardest) "hey, you're cute".... well, I just can't believe it.
There are probably a million various reasons for WHY I can't believe those statements. I'm sure they all stem from one of my many ridiculous insecurities. But that's not really the point of this little blog entry. The point is that I've been thinking about it a lot over the last few days, and I realize the importance of just accepting those compliments and trying as hard as you can in your heart to believe them.
Someone who is willing to put enough of theirself on the line by going out on a limb to pay you a compliment (whether it be big or small), runs the risk of being hurt when you don't put enough faith in their opinion to believe them. And in a relationship (whether friend or romance), hurting someone who is only showing you kindness is the opposite of productive...obviously...ha.
And also- the people who compliment you (I realized), might be better able to see the good in you than you yourself. As my coworker said about her knitting, we're all our own worst critic and it's impossible to see ourselves clearly.
At my good friend Betsy's bridal shower this past weekend (I'm her man of honor...isn't that soo fun!?), we played a little game where we each wrote a piece of marriage advice on a notecard for her and she had to choose the best and the worst.
With what has been on my mind, I wrote:
"Always believe the compliments he gives you, even if it's hard, because he can see the beauty in you even when you can't. (And you're so full of it that he should compliment you often)"
My advice won "best advice" so it must be true, right? So now it's time to work on that myself. :)
Monday, April 20, 2009
I'm baaaaaaaack... :)
I did NOT forget about this blog (even though I thought I might). I've been visiting Grandma and Grandpa in South Dakota for the past week or so, and I'm just now back in Chicago. The trip was pretty awful in a couple of ways, but also really good in a lot of ways. I want to write about the whole thing, but unfortunately, I'm swaaaaaaaaaamped at work today (because I've been gone for so long). I just wanted to put down an entry though, because I'm finding that I actually enjoy this blog and WANT to keep it up to date!
:)
:)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Lauren Looneycakes
Oh my gosh... Lauren cracks me up. Oh dear, dear Lauren...hahahaha. We just had a 5 minute conversation in which she pretended to rationalize bigotry and racism just so we could be ridiculous. Hilarious. Some of my funniest "online chat" conversations have been with this crazy cat... for real.
For example, the following "gem" came out of a March 30th chat:
me: harumph
For example, the following "gem" came out of a March 30th chat:
me: harumph
life is terrible
I just want to see if this could go anywhere!Argh!
and your apartment situation is just another pain in the butt for you!
I know
let's skip town
!
on the next train outta here!
we'll buy a one-way-ticket to paradise
and live off of the land
(or steal)
Lauren: i know!
this SUCKS
lets go to an island
live on a boat
and i will be a lifeguard
me: okay, but I do get motion sickness
Lauren: and you will be a set designer
for the boat plays
me: HAHAHAHAHA
HAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
And who could forget the day we co-authored "Bitsy the Big-Hearted Bear" (still up in the air about the title), an improvised tale about a tiny bear who makes a BIG discovery one day...
HAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
seriously
that's hilarious
and PERFECT!
You can be the lifeguard
and I'll be the set designer for all of those boat plays that the two of us do by ourselves
on your day off from lifeguarding
on the boat
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
I can't stop laughing
for real
Lauren: hahahah yesssss
i love it
me: I'm like having a seizure
Lauren: thats like my dream
me: hahaha
Lauren: hahahahaha
me: hhhahahahahahaha
so funny
Lauren: and you can be the director too
me: sweet!
oh phew
man
hilaaaaaaaaaaaarious
And who could forget the day we co-authored "Bitsy the Big-Hearted Bear" (still up in the air about the title), an improvised tale about a tiny bear who makes a BIG discovery one day...
click here to read...
Ah, Lauren... how I love thee. :)
Textin' with Daddio
So I just ate a really good corn muffin for lunch. Ha... sooo good. Well, not like the best corn muffin in the world or anything, but it was pretty delicious. And a cup of soup.
My dad has been texting me this morning. It's funny to me that he's taken a sudden liking to sending texts. Good work, I guess! It's just funny because he'll write "Hi bro, How is your day going? Love Dad". So it's like a mini letter. :)
I'm beginning to feel the "after-lunch lull" that always seems to hit immediately upon completion of the midday meal that is lunch...haha.
Okay- guess that's all. What a pointless entry. Nah- nothing is pointless I guess.
My dad has been texting me this morning. It's funny to me that he's taken a sudden liking to sending texts. Good work, I guess! It's just funny because he'll write "Hi bro, How is your day going? Love Dad". So it's like a mini letter. :)
I'm beginning to feel the "after-lunch lull" that always seems to hit immediately upon completion of the midday meal that is lunch...haha.
Okay- guess that's all. What a pointless entry. Nah- nothing is pointless I guess.
Monday, April 6, 2009
When People Disappoint...
Some people are really disappointing, and that sucks big time. Man, I wish that wasn't the case... whoooomp.
Okay. That was my moment of that. I'm going to try my best not to wallow in that anymore. :)
On a brighter note... going to see my grandparents soon...woohoo!!!!
Okay. That was my moment of that. I'm going to try my best not to wallow in that anymore. :)
On a brighter note... going to see my grandparents soon...woohoo!!!!
People who need People...
The dynamics of interpersonal relationships are so weird. Seriously. I mean, all of the tiny nuances... the "do"s and "don't"s... the various rules of interaction. It's really pretty complex when you think about it.
Sometimes I take for granted all of the stuff that I've been programmed with throughout life, when it comes to other people. I mean, I automatically know to shake hands when meeting a certain person or to watch my table manners at times. Those things are ingrained in me or something. And usually, I'm pretty good at the whole person-to-person relationship thing. As I mentioned before, I generally am able to read people a bit, so I can carry on with most folks alright enough.
But there are certain situations that throw me. Situations that aren't so easily laid out, and the intricacies of the relating gets confusing. Appropriate next steps aren't clear... positions of power become seemingly more important (and more entangled with pride)... the "pre-programmed" guidelines no longer apply. I'm sure everybody's found themselves in a situation like that before. I sort of do now. To elaborate would do no good really, because it's beside the point. My point is simply this: It's so frustrating!
Ha...aaaanyway... I'm sure clarity will come sooner or later. It always seems to. But what do you do about the confusing people???
Sometimes I take for granted all of the stuff that I've been programmed with throughout life, when it comes to other people. I mean, I automatically know to shake hands when meeting a certain person or to watch my table manners at times. Those things are ingrained in me or something. And usually, I'm pretty good at the whole person-to-person relationship thing. As I mentioned before, I generally am able to read people a bit, so I can carry on with most folks alright enough.
But there are certain situations that throw me. Situations that aren't so easily laid out, and the intricacies of the relating gets confusing. Appropriate next steps aren't clear... positions of power become seemingly more important (and more entangled with pride)... the "pre-programmed" guidelines no longer apply. I'm sure everybody's found themselves in a situation like that before. I sort of do now. To elaborate would do no good really, because it's beside the point. My point is simply this: It's so frustrating!
Ha...aaaanyway... I'm sure clarity will come sooner or later. It always seems to. But what do you do about the confusing people???
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Tishy :(
I wrote this at about 6:00 am this morning, I think? I didn't know if I would actually post it, but I want to be able to save the details of this dream (and nobody reads this blog anyway..haha). It was one of the most intense things ever. So weird... I NEVER have dreams like that. I never remember my dreams, first of all.. but it's so rare that I ever even have what I'd call a "nightmare". And this is like the 2nd in about 2 months, and both had to do with Tishy and me. So I want to preserve this... so I don't forget it.
-----
So I just had the creepiest dream I've ever had. I woke up in it and that's the only reason I remember it. I dreamt that I was at my current job, only it was different. Same people, but for some reason my boss was actually a teacher... . tor she was teaching a classroom of people. ANyway, they offered me a permanent full time position that paid EXTREMELY well (110,000 basically).
So I was supposed to have the executive director sign some stuff, but I forgot to go see her and went home. Then in my dream I was waking up at our old house (me mom and tish) and I realized it was already 9:00 and I was supposed to have been to work already. So I got up and went to go get ready and called my mom (who in my dream was at work) and tell her the news while I got ready for a shower. She was excited but told me that Tishy was not feeling very well and I guess that she'd gone to the doctor or something in the night? I can't remember exactly. Well so then I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen, and my dad was there making some breakfast or something. (He never lived there with us). I started to tell him about my job thing and his back was to me, but he turned a little bit and said something like "I just talked to your mom a little bit ago" and his face was full of really sad pain "and the doctors have told us that Tish isn't doing so well" and my breath caught in my chest "and they don't think she's going to make it"...
and in my dream, I had a complete meltdown. I couldn't breathe and panic rose inside of me like I've never felt in real life. But like I know it would feel. It was soooo incredibly real. I turned away from him and grabbed the counter and I can't remember what I said but I know it was something denying it and I said it again louder and couldn't breath and it all just welled up inside of me and I literally had what I felt like was a meltdown. I don't know how to describe it. I woke up completely freaked out. Not short of breath (like I woke up a couple of months ago when I had this terrifying dream that Tishy and I were being chased by lions and woke up like literally gasping), but as soon as I registered it I started freaking out and crying. And now I am again. I tried texting her to see if she's okay but she's in CA on this crazy school thing, and she wasn't feeling well yesterday on her way out there but I haven't heard from her since. She didn't text me back, I mean obviously she's asleep and because she's sharing a hotel room I assume, she's turned down her phone so she won't wake anyone up but I just am so freaked out. I thought about calling my mom but I don't know what good that would do since it's 6:30 and it'll just panic her and if tish's phone is off it's off you know?
Scariest thing ever. Awe man... I'm freaking out right now. And I NEVER remember dreams so this is crazy. And, in my dream, when I was having this horrible panic attack..in my head (in my dream) I thought... oh no..there are things I never said... :( :( :(
-----
So I just had the creepiest dream I've ever had. I woke up in it and that's the only reason I remember it. I dreamt that I was at my current job, only it was different. Same people, but for some reason my boss was actually a teacher... . tor she was teaching a classroom of people. ANyway, they offered me a permanent full time position that paid EXTREMELY well (110,000 basically).
So I was supposed to have the executive director sign some stuff, but I forgot to go see her and went home. Then in my dream I was waking up at our old house (me mom and tish) and I realized it was already 9:00 and I was supposed to have been to work already. So I got up and went to go get ready and called my mom (who in my dream was at work) and tell her the news while I got ready for a shower. She was excited but told me that Tishy was not feeling very well and I guess that she'd gone to the doctor or something in the night? I can't remember exactly. Well so then I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen, and my dad was there making some breakfast or something. (He never lived there with us). I started to tell him about my job thing and his back was to me, but he turned a little bit and said something like "I just talked to your mom a little bit ago" and his face was full of really sad pain "and the doctors have told us that Tish isn't doing so well" and my breath caught in my chest "and they don't think she's going to make it"...
and in my dream, I had a complete meltdown. I couldn't breathe and panic rose inside of me like I've never felt in real life. But like I know it would feel. It was soooo incredibly real. I turned away from him and grabbed the counter and I can't remember what I said but I know it was something denying it and I said it again louder and couldn't breath and it all just welled up inside of me and I literally had what I felt like was a meltdown. I don't know how to describe it. I woke up completely freaked out. Not short of breath (like I woke up a couple of months ago when I had this terrifying dream that Tishy and I were being chased by lions and woke up like literally gasping), but as soon as I registered it I started freaking out and crying. And now I am again. I tried texting her to see if she's okay but she's in CA on this crazy school thing, and she wasn't feeling well yesterday on her way out there but I haven't heard from her since. She didn't text me back, I mean obviously she's asleep and because she's sharing a hotel room I assume, she's turned down her phone so she won't wake anyone up but I just am so freaked out. I thought about calling my mom but I don't know what good that would do since it's 6:30 and it'll just panic her and if tish's phone is off it's off you know?
Scariest thing ever. Awe man... I'm freaking out right now. And I NEVER remember dreams so this is crazy. And, in my dream, when I was having this horrible panic attack..in my head (in my dream) I thought... oh no..there are things I never said... :( :( :(
Friday, April 3, 2009
Like the Sands through the Hourglass...
For the past 24 hours, I have been extremely stir-crazy. This "less than full time" schedule has its perks, but some days I just want to be buuuusy! I got some reading in today, did some more negotiating with comcast, sat outside for a while, visited Cheryl at the bakery and played some MarioKart against players scattered across the world. All interesting... but I need something creative. So I'm off to JoAnn's to see if I can scrounge up a craft or two to keep me entertained this evening. Cheryl's idea...and a great one. I tried to draw a bit last night, but couldn't find a sketchpad..haha... so maybe I'll get a new one. We'll see.
I also spent about an hour today recording myself singing Meiko's "Reasons to Love" on my Mac...hahahahah. A favorite pastime of mine. :)
I also spent about an hour today recording myself singing Meiko's "Reasons to Love" on my Mac...hahahahah. A favorite pastime of mine. :)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
My Hair and Comcast
Can I just take moment to say how much I love the lyrics to that song?
"Hey-
I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations, no. I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the SOUL that lives within."
So true. Gosh, I love it.
Sometimes I forget that I'm not my hair. I stress out way too much about stupid things like that... for no reason. Because I would hope that there's more to me than my hair, or my height, or the fact that I'm right-handed. I sometimes can come across as vain, though it's really just insecurity about appearances. Which I just need to remind myself is stupid. :)
On another note, Comcast sucks. Big time. I have successfully managed a relationship with the company for over 2 years now, and now I'm in a bidding war trying to negotiate our package rates (which I hate, but am usually pretty good at). It's not been as successful as times previous and it's frustrating. Ah well.
"Hey-
I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am not your expectations, no. I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the SOUL that lives within."
So true. Gosh, I love it.
Sometimes I forget that I'm not my hair. I stress out way too much about stupid things like that... for no reason. Because I would hope that there's more to me than my hair, or my height, or the fact that I'm right-handed. I sometimes can come across as vain, though it's really just insecurity about appearances. Which I just need to remind myself is stupid. :)
On another note, Comcast sucks. Big time. I have successfully managed a relationship with the company for over 2 years now, and now I'm in a bidding war trying to negotiate our package rates (which I hate, but am usually pretty good at). It's not been as successful as times previous and it's frustrating. Ah well.
Hot Flashes...
The temperature in our office has been all over the place this week. Seriously. The new employee, Kallie, was freezing on Monday (it was chilly). So Nancy, the Office Manager-ish type woman had the building people come in and take a look at things. They made some changes on Tuesday...and voila- Thursday it's a freakin' sauna in here.
Hahahahaahahaa.... I just started singing Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" in my head. For someone who I don't really feel has a lot of vocal talent or any real way with lyrics, her songs are catchy. I can't help but sing that one sometimes.
Anyway, so Linda, one of the women in the office (she's a bit older...totally awesome... been working here for years but still has the kick of someone in her mid-twenties), was like "Hey Josh-a-loo" (that's what she calls everyone....their name, plus "a-loo"...hahah), and she brought me some checks to input and process and I told her how I thought it was really hot in here today. She responded with "I've been having hot flashes for years... you must be catching them"... to which I answered "Haha... yeah.... it's spreading!". I laughed and she giggled and said "Hoho... oh boy Josh... you are somethin' else, you know that?".
Isn't that cute? :)
Hahahahaahahaa.... I just started singing Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" in my head. For someone who I don't really feel has a lot of vocal talent or any real way with lyrics, her songs are catchy. I can't help but sing that one sometimes.
Anyway, so Linda, one of the women in the office (she's a bit older...totally awesome... been working here for years but still has the kick of someone in her mid-twenties), was like "Hey Josh-a-loo" (that's what she calls everyone....their name, plus "a-loo"...hahah), and she brought me some checks to input and process and I told her how I thought it was really hot in here today. She responded with "I've been having hot flashes for years... you must be catching them"... to which I answered "Haha... yeah.... it's spreading!". I laughed and she giggled and said "Hoho... oh boy Josh... you are somethin' else, you know that?".
Isn't that cute? :)
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Friends, Friends, and Babies
So I just got off of the phone with one of my best friends, Jess, (well not JUST...but approximately one shower and one brief chat with Cheryl ago) and I was in the mood to post something so I thought I'd take just a minute in honor of my friends. (See how I'm still all interested in this "blog" thingy? Just give it another week or so and I'm sure the novelty will wear off...haha... and the only time I will blog will be when I post privately in order to vent my personal frustrations on "paper".)
My friends are pretty freakin' weird... but I'm pretty sure that they're all perfect for me at the same time. To narrow it down- I'm mostly talking about my college friends; or the "Sassy 7" as we call ourselves. Ha- that name definitely has some weird connotations, but I assure any of you who read this... not even one of us is particularly all that "Sassy"...we just liked the illiteration I think. :)
Anyway, my reason for thinking about this is just that I was talking to Jess, and she poked at me by saying that I tend to "read into things" too much. Which is probably true. But so does she...though admittedly she's gotten much better. It's just that I'm usually pretty perceptive when it comes to people. I've honestly viewed it as one of my only REAL strengths in a communal setting, because most of the other good things I bring to the table stem from that. I'm usually able to sense and understand other people's emotions and motivations, and because of this am generally able to relate, and because I can relate, people are usually pretty receptive. But anyway, that doesn't really have anything to do with what Jess was saying. I'm just super "self-reflective" whenever I blog, for some reason. It's probably because that's where my mind usually lies. I don't dwell in the realm of the political, or the scientific, or the historical, or the factual...haha. I mean- I'm not completely tuned out and stupid, don't get me wrong. But, in general, I'm focused on a more emotional level, I guess? Relationships are what I sort of intuitively dwell on. Kind of. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a "people person" and focused on emotions.
My friends... FINALLY getting back to the point here- sorry about that... are not necessarily that way. Actually, I'd say that it's about 50/50 with us. Half of us go with our gut, are driven primarily by a desire to connect or feel, and pay special attention to emotion. The other half are driven less by emotion and more by... I don't know...the head? It took me a long time, though to realize that that might be the perfect setup. Exactly what I need (or at least then).
And because I think I'm a pretty open book (about ALMOST anything)....
----
Let it be known that I stopped this "post" mid-blog, and went to Target to pick up a baby gift for an old coworker and good friend of mine. Another old co-worker and I are going in on the gift together as he's laxidazical (his word, not mine...which accounts for my inability to spell it...haha) and British and unsure of proper baby shower gift etiquette, etc. Soooo I just got back and pulled together a pretty cute gift, if I do say so myself. I decided I wanted to try to keep the presents within a larger "theme", so I chose one of the bigger items left on the registry and used that to set the tone... a blue baby bath chair (to bathe babies in when they're too little to put in the tub and can't really sit up on their own). I got the baby body wash and lotions that she requested, a cute cushion thing for the chair, an inflatable duck tub protector for when he gets a bit bigger, a travel baby bath essentials kit, and a little half cow, half fish sponge that "moos"! I arranged it all neatly in the chair, and wrapped it in clear cellophane, with a giant green bow. Not too shabby... I'm impressed with it, though the cellophane's a bit more wrinkly than I'd like.
In the time that I've been at my computer, I've received TWO emails from H&R Block, reminding me that the countdown to the end of tax season is almost here. Yikes- I need to do my taxes. I should probably take a look at those this weekend, seeing as how I switched jobs mid-year, and I'm not sure how complicated it might be to account for that.
I used to work at Liberty Tax Services when I lived in GB. It's pretty ridiculous sounding, I know, but I was a "costumed waver". Ever see one of those people? Well, if not, please allow me to describe. A Liberty Tax costumed waver is an individual who dresses up in a costume (usually either as the statue of liberty or uncle sam...in my case, I basically OWNED that uncle sam!), and... you guessed it... waves. It's meant to be an attention grabber. You hold signs, you dance, you encourage people to come in and get their taxes done. And the big gimmick (at least in GB), was that you were nearly always tromping through a couple feet of snow. Come rain, come snow, come hail and below zero temps, we were out there- on the street corner- waving in 4-8 hour shifts. Hahah... nuts. Craziest thing you've ever heard? Here's the best part... the first year I waved was the first year for LT in GB. The owners held a competition and took a survey of local businesses etc. That year, I was voted the NUMBER ONE WAVER IN THE CITY! Woohoo! Now THERE'S something to tell the kids. ;)
Anyway, sorry this post has been the most random thing ever. I have a feeling that's how they're best going to work, as that's kind of how I work. If I don't write about what's on my mind, I won't want to write... and "stream of consciousness" writing seems to work best for me. :) (Quick side note: after reviewing this entry, I noticed I originally wrote "steam of cnsciousness" in the previous sentence..hahahaha)
I think I'm done. But I do want to sort of wrap up the thought process I started about my friends. I guess the point that I was eventually planning on getting at (though not in the most direct way...haha) is that they're all... we're all very different from each other... yet just enough the same. I think that's what makes it work. Some of us are very sensitive to people's feelings, some of us are of the "get over it" mentality. Some of us are givers and others are takers (actually... we're all a little of both I guess). What I'm trying to say is that the differences have proven to be challenges in the past... but always challenges that have caused me to grow- in ways that have made me a more rounded, more "mature" (and I use that word lightly) person. And, at our cores, we all share some sort of invisible commonality that makes us friends.
Basically... I think that's cool. :)
My friends are pretty freakin' weird... but I'm pretty sure that they're all perfect for me at the same time. To narrow it down- I'm mostly talking about my college friends; or the "Sassy 7" as we call ourselves. Ha- that name definitely has some weird connotations, but I assure any of you who read this... not even one of us is particularly all that "Sassy"...we just liked the illiteration I think. :)
Anyway, my reason for thinking about this is just that I was talking to Jess, and she poked at me by saying that I tend to "read into things" too much. Which is probably true. But so does she...though admittedly she's gotten much better. It's just that I'm usually pretty perceptive when it comes to people. I've honestly viewed it as one of my only REAL strengths in a communal setting, because most of the other good things I bring to the table stem from that. I'm usually able to sense and understand other people's emotions and motivations, and because of this am generally able to relate, and because I can relate, people are usually pretty receptive. But anyway, that doesn't really have anything to do with what Jess was saying. I'm just super "self-reflective" whenever I blog, for some reason. It's probably because that's where my mind usually lies. I don't dwell in the realm of the political, or the scientific, or the historical, or the factual...haha. I mean- I'm not completely tuned out and stupid, don't get me wrong. But, in general, I'm focused on a more emotional level, I guess? Relationships are what I sort of intuitively dwell on. Kind of. I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a "people person" and focused on emotions.
My friends... FINALLY getting back to the point here- sorry about that... are not necessarily that way. Actually, I'd say that it's about 50/50 with us. Half of us go with our gut, are driven primarily by a desire to connect or feel, and pay special attention to emotion. The other half are driven less by emotion and more by... I don't know...the head? It took me a long time, though to realize that that might be the perfect setup. Exactly what I need (or at least then).
And because I think I'm a pretty open book (about ALMOST anything)....
----
Let it be known that I stopped this "post" mid-blog, and went to Target to pick up a baby gift for an old coworker and good friend of mine. Another old co-worker and I are going in on the gift together as he's laxidazical (his word, not mine...which accounts for my inability to spell it...haha) and British and unsure of proper baby shower gift etiquette, etc. Soooo I just got back and pulled together a pretty cute gift, if I do say so myself. I decided I wanted to try to keep the presents within a larger "theme", so I chose one of the bigger items left on the registry and used that to set the tone... a blue baby bath chair (to bathe babies in when they're too little to put in the tub and can't really sit up on their own). I got the baby body wash and lotions that she requested, a cute cushion thing for the chair, an inflatable duck tub protector for when he gets a bit bigger, a travel baby bath essentials kit, and a little half cow, half fish sponge that "moos"! I arranged it all neatly in the chair, and wrapped it in clear cellophane, with a giant green bow. Not too shabby... I'm impressed with it, though the cellophane's a bit more wrinkly than I'd like.
In the time that I've been at my computer, I've received TWO emails from H&R Block, reminding me that the countdown to the end of tax season is almost here. Yikes- I need to do my taxes. I should probably take a look at those this weekend, seeing as how I switched jobs mid-year, and I'm not sure how complicated it might be to account for that.
I used to work at Liberty Tax Services when I lived in GB. It's pretty ridiculous sounding, I know, but I was a "costumed waver". Ever see one of those people? Well, if not, please allow me to describe. A Liberty Tax costumed waver is an individual who dresses up in a costume (usually either as the statue of liberty or uncle sam...in my case, I basically OWNED that uncle sam!), and... you guessed it... waves. It's meant to be an attention grabber. You hold signs, you dance, you encourage people to come in and get their taxes done. And the big gimmick (at least in GB), was that you were nearly always tromping through a couple feet of snow. Come rain, come snow, come hail and below zero temps, we were out there- on the street corner- waving in 4-8 hour shifts. Hahah... nuts. Craziest thing you've ever heard? Here's the best part... the first year I waved was the first year for LT in GB. The owners held a competition and took a survey of local businesses etc. That year, I was voted the NUMBER ONE WAVER IN THE CITY! Woohoo! Now THERE'S something to tell the kids. ;)
Anyway, sorry this post has been the most random thing ever. I have a feeling that's how they're best going to work, as that's kind of how I work. If I don't write about what's on my mind, I won't want to write... and "stream of consciousness" writing seems to work best for me. :) (Quick side note: after reviewing this entry, I noticed I originally wrote "steam of cnsciousness" in the previous sentence..hahahaha)
I think I'm done. But I do want to sort of wrap up the thought process I started about my friends. I guess the point that I was eventually planning on getting at (though not in the most direct way...haha) is that they're all... we're all very different from each other... yet just enough the same. I think that's what makes it work. Some of us are very sensitive to people's feelings, some of us are of the "get over it" mentality. Some of us are givers and others are takers (actually... we're all a little of both I guess). What I'm trying to say is that the differences have proven to be challenges in the past... but always challenges that have caused me to grow- in ways that have made me a more rounded, more "mature" (and I use that word lightly) person. And, at our cores, we all share some sort of invisible commonality that makes us friends.
Basically... I think that's cool. :)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
My life, and other Randomocities
So here I sit at work, unable to concentrate on the job before me (which right now includes the titilating task of opening the mail and subsequently sorting it)... and I felt the need to EXPRESS. Ha... Express what, I'm not quite sure. But I know that I need to... so I've decided to blog.
I've never been good at blogging, mainly because... well... how can I put this so that I don't sound flaky and inconsistent?... I tend to be very creative-minded. I love to start new projects, and dream up all the things that could become of them. That's where I'm great. I can throw all of my passion into something for hours on end, really focus and commit... make it happen. If you're throwing a Hawaii-themed bday party and I don't own a Hawaiin shirt, I will spend hours over my kitchen table creating my own using paints and markers and maps and flowers and pineapples. If you ask me to participate in your elementary school child's "Flat Stanley" project by taking pictures with a cut out kid, I will go sooo far beyond that and create a "Flat Stanely Scrapbook" with pictures, and tickets, and colorful images and a complete narrative all bound into a cute and shippable book o' fun for said child.
But where I lack is in the follow through. Once something becomes more "process" than "inspiration", I want badly to feel that inspiration again, and therefore want to move on to something that will fill me with that once more.
I didn't know that this was a classifiable "tendency" until I took an online personality test about 2 months ago that I am now suddenly enthralled with. Most people have taken it at some point in their education or for their work environment, but I doubt many realize how much they can benefit from really examining the results. The test is a simple "Meyers Briggs" personality quiz... awesome for understanding yourself in an interesting way.
Should you be so inspired, I would recommend you take one yourself. Here's one that I've taken: http://www.kisa.ca/personality/
I've taken a few and all signs point to my personality being classified as an ENFP. If you take a moment to google that, you'd be surprised how much you could learn just by reading a few of the results. It's really pretty unbelievable how it pinpointed me... my flaws and imperfections as well as my strengths and good parts. Pretty cool.
Anyway, upon discovering my personality type, I realized that it's okay that I'm great at starting things even if I'm not always the best at carrying them out. Because I still feel the passion for them in the beginning. The passion is very real. And in many circumstances that passion is all that is needed to motivate OTHERS to want to follow through- so ultimately, mine is the role of inspire-er (haha) and motivator. I can instill my love into others, and in doing so, have the same effect as had I carried out the task on my own.
All this means basically nothing... other than the fact that I now understand that about myself. I now understand that what I could have perceived as a weakness, can in fact, when used correctly, be a very large strength. And that's just good for me to know. :)
Also, it helps to explain why I love theatre so much. It's a creative, inspiring, project-based environment where you put all of yourself into the current piece and then move on before it gets too stale. Interesting, no?
Let's see- what else? On a compleeeeeeetely non-related topic, all of my friends seem to be getting puppies! Well, not all of them. But two close friends just got new dogs in the past two weeks and I couldn't be happier. One of those dogs actually lives here in Chicago, so I'll hopefully get to spoil her and play with her and love her to pieces. The other is all the way in AZ... so not so much spoiling there...but still very cute. I am a weeeeeee bit jealous, however. I miss my puppy back at mom's and wish I could have a dog with me here. Ah well.
Life has been interesting as of late- that's for sure. I'm working fewer hours than I have in years, I'm less stressed than I was about 6 months ago, I'm doing shows when I can, and having a pretty nice time. Personally, I'm working on taking steps in new directions and trying to grow in ways that are important to me. I'm kind of proud of myself (though it seems weird) for being more open and less afraid in certain areas of life (or working on that at least), and for being proactive about being less stressed and more happy.
ANYWAY- gotta open that mail. ;)
I've never been good at blogging, mainly because... well... how can I put this so that I don't sound flaky and inconsistent?... I tend to be very creative-minded. I love to start new projects, and dream up all the things that could become of them. That's where I'm great. I can throw all of my passion into something for hours on end, really focus and commit... make it happen. If you're throwing a Hawaii-themed bday party and I don't own a Hawaiin shirt, I will spend hours over my kitchen table creating my own using paints and markers and maps and flowers and pineapples. If you ask me to participate in your elementary school child's "Flat Stanley" project by taking pictures with a cut out kid, I will go sooo far beyond that and create a "Flat Stanely Scrapbook" with pictures, and tickets, and colorful images and a complete narrative all bound into a cute and shippable book o' fun for said child.
But where I lack is in the follow through. Once something becomes more "process" than "inspiration", I want badly to feel that inspiration again, and therefore want to move on to something that will fill me with that once more.
I didn't know that this was a classifiable "tendency" until I took an online personality test about 2 months ago that I am now suddenly enthralled with. Most people have taken it at some point in their education or for their work environment, but I doubt many realize how much they can benefit from really examining the results. The test is a simple "Meyers Briggs" personality quiz... awesome for understanding yourself in an interesting way.
Should you be so inspired, I would recommend you take one yourself. Here's one that I've taken: http://www.kisa.ca/personality/
I've taken a few and all signs point to my personality being classified as an ENFP. If you take a moment to google that, you'd be surprised how much you could learn just by reading a few of the results. It's really pretty unbelievable how it pinpointed me... my flaws and imperfections as well as my strengths and good parts. Pretty cool.
Anyway, upon discovering my personality type, I realized that it's okay that I'm great at starting things even if I'm not always the best at carrying them out. Because I still feel the passion for them in the beginning. The passion is very real. And in many circumstances that passion is all that is needed to motivate OTHERS to want to follow through- so ultimately, mine is the role of inspire-er (haha) and motivator. I can instill my love into others, and in doing so, have the same effect as had I carried out the task on my own.
All this means basically nothing... other than the fact that I now understand that about myself. I now understand that what I could have perceived as a weakness, can in fact, when used correctly, be a very large strength. And that's just good for me to know. :)
Also, it helps to explain why I love theatre so much. It's a creative, inspiring, project-based environment where you put all of yourself into the current piece and then move on before it gets too stale. Interesting, no?
Let's see- what else? On a compleeeeeeetely non-related topic, all of my friends seem to be getting puppies! Well, not all of them. But two close friends just got new dogs in the past two weeks and I couldn't be happier. One of those dogs actually lives here in Chicago, so I'll hopefully get to spoil her and play with her and love her to pieces. The other is all the way in AZ... so not so much spoiling there...but still very cute. I am a weeeeeee bit jealous, however. I miss my puppy back at mom's and wish I could have a dog with me here. Ah well.
Life has been interesting as of late- that's for sure. I'm working fewer hours than I have in years, I'm less stressed than I was about 6 months ago, I'm doing shows when I can, and having a pretty nice time. Personally, I'm working on taking steps in new directions and trying to grow in ways that are important to me. I'm kind of proud of myself (though it seems weird) for being more open and less afraid in certain areas of life (or working on that at least), and for being proactive about being less stressed and more happy.
ANYWAY- gotta open that mail. ;)
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